1/10/2007 – Editorials



By Richard Peterson

From the e-mails:

You grew up in rural North Dakota if . . .

You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.

You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.

You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.

You know the difference between "Green" and "Red" farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!

You hear someone use the word "uff-dah" and you don’t break into laughter.

You or someone you know was a dairy princess at the county fair.

You know that "combine" is a noun.

You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.

You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.

You know that "creek" rhymes with "pick."

Football schedules, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.

Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.

There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning. Phew!

You have driven your car on the lake.

You can make sense of "upnort" and "batree."

Every wedding dance you have ever been to has featured the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.

Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

The local gas station sells live bait.

At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.

You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.

Pop is the only name for soda.

You actually understand these jokes and will forward them to all your North Dakota friends!

—000—

And here are the Norwegian Ten Commandments:

I. Der’s only one God, ya know.

II. Don’t make that fish on yur mantle an idol.

III. Cussing ain’t nice.

IV. Go to church even when yur up nort.

V. Honor yur folks.

VI. Don’t kill. Catch and release.

VII. Der is only one Lena for every Ole. Don’t cheat.

VIII. If it ain’t yer lutefisk, don’t take it.

IX. Don’t be braggin ’bout how much snow ya shoveled.

X. Keep yur mind off yur neighbor’s hotdish.

—000—

The young man from Fillmore came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Sven, somebody just stole your pickup truck from da parking lot!"

Sven replied, "Did you see who it waz?"

The young man answered, "I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number!"

—000—

You can’t read this and stay in a bad mood!

1. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

2. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

3. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

4. How do you get Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.

5. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!

6. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

7. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.

8. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

9. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.

10. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro sinko.

11. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

12. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

13.. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

14. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

15. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

16. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

17. Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the dog.

18. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.

19. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag.

20. Why did Pilgrims’ pants always fall down? Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats.

21. What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes whack, dang! A bad skydiver goes dang, whack!

22. How are a Texas tornado and an Alabama divorce the same?

Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.


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