1/27/2010 – Editorials

We’re still looking for people to write the news of their communities.

At this point we have nobody to write the news happenings of the three largest towns in our county: Maddock, Leeds and Minnewaukan. Nobody seems to want to take on this task.

We pay $1 per published inch of news. By that measure the above paragraph would be worth $1.

We also need correspondents in Knox, York, Brinsmade, Warwick and Sheyenne. If anyone is interested, call 701-473-5436.

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We have another 50 years ago story in the paper. I like to have a feature story on the front page and when I don’t have a story available I go up to the courthouse and mine the bound volumes of the Farmers Press in the auditor’s office for a story about happenings 50 years ago.

Old people enjoy these stories. Young people probably have little or no interest in them.

Newspapers going back to 1919 are available at the county auditor’s office. Anybody can look at them.

The bound volumes from 1884 through 1918 were borrowed from the auditor’s office for research and were lost when the Farmers Press building was destroyed by fire in 1950.

Most of those missing newspapers are available on microfilm at the Heritage Center in Bismarck.

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I’m disappointed that health care reform will be watered down to the point of being ineffectual.

The big health insurance companies won the battle with their lying ads about reform, scaring ordinary citizens into opposing it.

As a result, insurance companies will continue to gouge the public with their rules about pre-existing conditions, placing ceilings on benefits and kicking sick people off their rolls.

You will continue to see double digit annual increases in your health insurance premiums, thanks to the Republican party, which is dead set against any and all reforms proposed by the Obama Administration.

It appears that’s what the majority wants. Live with it.

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We saw lots of nasty, lying, deceitful ads the insurance companies bought to fight against reform. CNN reports the health insurance industry had spent almost $400 million as of September 13 fighting health care reform.

You ain’t seen nothing yet. In a horrible decision, the US Supreme Court declared that corporations can spend unlimited amounts of money on political campaigns.

Lying and deceitful radio and television ads will pollute the airwaves.

When the political season starts, I’ll be turning off KDLR and turning on Prairie Public Radio (91.7 FM in this area).

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I hesitate to publish blonde jokes (my wife is blonde) but I got a kick out of this one.

How blonde was she?

She was soooooooo blonde . . .

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.

* She thought General Motors was in the army.

* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.

* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

* She tripped over a cordless phone.

* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."

* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON’T WALK."

* She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

* She studied for a blood test.

* She sold the car for gas money.

* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left,"

she turned around and went home.

* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

* She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.

* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

* She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

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A public school teacher was arrested at the John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the attorney general said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’

and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are three sides to every triangle.’ "

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.