By Richard Peterson
A couple comments on items which appear in this week’s issue.
1. Tony Bender’s column this week tells of the situation faced by Herman Schumacher. Tyson Foods, one of the big meatpackers, is playing dirty with Schumacher by siezing his house to pay Tyson’s legal bills after Tyson was found guilty by a jury. It’s an outrageous abuse of the legal system. I’m certainly going to avoid purchasing Tyson products.
2. A letter writer takes Sen. Kent Conrad to task for promoting a co-op system for health care.
She’s right. The only way to reduce the cost of health care is by removing insurance company profits and bureacracy from the health care system. As long as the insurance companies maintain their grip on the health care system the people are going to have to continue paying through the nose. The insurance companies are in business for profits. Nobody should be profiting from the illnesses of others.
Conservatives don’t want government involved in the health care system. Instead they want the insurance companies to control the system. I’ll tell you honestly that I don’t trust the insurance companies at all. I don’t trust the government either, but if the people demand the government do something, it will be done. Try demanding something from an insurance company.
Little Johnnie’s neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That’s great", said Little Johnnie, "cuz he’d be screwed if he needed glasses."
An old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I pass gas all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve done it no less than 20 times. What can I do?"
"Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week," said the doctor.
The next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson’s office. "Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I’m passing gas just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we’ve fixed your sinuses, we’ll work on your hearing."
Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy:
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember; half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"
22. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.