6/17/2009 – Editorials


By Richard Peterson

Maddock native Jerald Spidahl Sr. of Madelia, Minn. is searching for his first, second and third grade teacher at Hesper 71 years ago. Her name is Inez Hanson and she called Spidahl not so long ago.

Spidahl was very surprised to hear from her and while they were talking the phone line went dead. He wasn’t able to get her address or phone number. All he knows is that she lives in Fargo.

I wasn’t able to find her name by searching on the Internet or the telephone book. If any of our readers know her, please ask her to call Jerald again at 507-642-3168.

—000—

A doctor on his morning walk noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills and don’t exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing!’ exclaimed the doctor. "How old are you?"

"Thirty-four," she replied.

—000—

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 159 years ago?

California became a state.

The state had no electricity.

The state had no money.

Almost everyone spoke Spanish.

There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California today; except the women had real breasts and the men didn’t hold hands.

—000—

A contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

And, as she suspected, the Million Dollar Question was no pushover.

It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture?"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.

She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was .

. . well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded

unhesitatingly: "That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

"That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who helped her win the million dollars.

"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.

"How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks."

Sally fainted.

—000—

Faithful readers sent in a few more Burma Shave ditties:

CATTLE CROSSING

MEANS GO SLOW

THAT OLD BULL

IS SOME COW’S BEAU

Burma-Shave

 

‘TWOULD BE MORE FUN

TO GO BY AIR

IF WE COULD PUT

THESE SIGNS UP THERE

Burma-Shave

 

A NUT AT THE WHEEL

A PEACH AT HIS RIGHT

A CURVE IN THE ROAD

FRUIT SALAD TONIGHT

Burma-Shave

 

ON CURVES AHEAD

REMEMBER, SONNY

THAT RABBIT’S FOOT

DIDN’T SAVE THE BUNNY

Burma-Shave

 

IF YOUR PEACH

KEEPS OUT OF REACH

BETTER PRACTICE

WHAT WE PREACH

Burma-Shave

 

TO KISS A MUG

THAT’S LIKE A CACTUS

TAKES MORE NERVE

THAN IT DOES PRACTICE

Burma-Shave

 

VIOLETS ARE BLUE

ROSES ARE PINK

ON GRAVES OF THOSE

WHO DRIVE AND DRINK

Burma-Shave

 


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