1/14/2009 – Editorials


By Richard Peterson

Have you ever wondered why so many unexplainable things happen in life? For example, why is it that if you dial a wrong number somebody always answers the phone? Or why when you go shoe shopping that the only shoes that really fit you well and are extremely comfortable are also the ugliest shoes that you have ever seen? Or how about when you get stuck in traffic and you switch lanes only to have traffic in that lane go zooming by you?

Does it sound like just so much bad luck? Not a chance. What you are experiencing is a form of the Laws of Ultimate Reality:

Law of Mechanical Repair — After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity — Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability — The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers — If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi — If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Law of Variation — If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath — When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters — The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result — When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics — The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater — At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law — As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces — The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.

Law of Logical Argument — Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance — If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking — A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy — As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Law of Visiting a Doctor — If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

—000—

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.

1. Scientists say the higher your IQ, the more you dream.

2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.

3. The smallest is the male sperm.

4. You use 200 muscles to take one step.

5. The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man.

6. Your big toes have two bones each, while the rest have three.

7. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.

8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a softball.

9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

10. The human brain cell can hold five times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

11. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

12. The average human dream lasts two to three seconds.

13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

15. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

18. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) six months before you’re born.

19. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate.

They do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

20. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.

21. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

Telecrastination — The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

 

 


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