12/31/2008 – Editorials


By Richard Peterson

Three recent comments from comedians bear repeating:

Jay Leno — "I tell you, the economy’s rough. People are standing behind President Bush just to get the shoes."

David Letterman — "The news coming out of the Middle East is that Iran is developing a long-range loafer."

Conan O’Brien — "It was reported today that the Iraqi journalist who threw the shoes at President Bush had his arm broken when security subdued him. And even worse, it was his shoe-throwing arm. That guy is out for the season."

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How big is Wal-Mart? It’s big. A recent e-mail I received had this information which the Urban Legends Web site (www.snopes.com) says is basically accurate:

1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 in profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick’s Day (March

17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + Kmart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer. And most can’t speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8. During this same period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx. 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are SuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had five years ago.

11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth’s population is approximately 6.5 billion.) 12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

13. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street!

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Here are some pithy quotes which arrived by e-mail:

Behind every successful man lurks a truly amazed ex-mother-in-law.

(John Chrusciel)

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Last week is the time you should have either bought or sold, depending on what you didn’t do. (Anon) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (Unknown) Whoever has the gold makes all the rules. (The Golden Rule) Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. (Mark Twain) Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you’re going to be thinking tomorrow. (Glen Beaman) Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. (Mark Twain) If, at first, you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment. (Los Angeles Times Syndicate) I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it. (Thomas Jefferson) Rise early, work hard, strike oil. (J. Paul Getty) It’s tough trying to keep your feet on the ground, your head above the clouds, your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel, your finger on the pulse, your eye on the ball and your ear to the ground.

There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer space program — your tax-dollar will go further. (Werner von Braun) (The income tax) has made more liars out of the American people than golf. (Will Rogers) There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist — the taxidermist leaves the hide. (Mortimer Caplan) No matter what happens, there’s always somebody who knew it would.

(Lonny Starr)

Minds are like parachutes, they only function when they are open.

(Sir James Dewar)

Confidence is what you feel before you comprehend the situation. (Proverb) Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. (Cullen Hightower) Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it. (Henry Ford) A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history — with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. (Mitch Ratliffe) For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. (H.L. Mencken)

—000—

The old belief that "no two snowflakes are alike" may no longer be true. A man in Minnesota while out snowmobiling noticed something odd about a snowflake fluttering by him — he finally realized that it looked exactly like another snowflake he had seen as a child.

Weather experts, while excited about the discovery, cautioned that it might be somewhat difficult to verify.

 


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