11/26/2008 – Editorials

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The silly season (election) is barely over and a new silly season has begun. Rush Limbaugh declared on his radio show recently, "The Obama recession is in full swing, ladies and gentlemen."

Unbelievable! But then that’s how Limbaugh always is.

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From the e-mails:

Just before the funeral the undertaker came to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"Ninety-eight," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you’re 96," the undertaker commented.

"Yes," she responded. "Hardly worth going home, isn’t it?"

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A reporter is interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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The nice thing about being senile is that you can hide your own Easter eggs.

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I’ve sure gotten old!

I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape. So I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

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Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat ’till the wrinkles fill out.

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It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

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THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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Writing in the Christian Science Monitor Elizabeth Armstrong points out nine things historians are certain about Thanksgiving:

1. The first Thanksgiving was a harvest celebration in 1621 that lasted for three days.

2. The feast most likely occurred between September 21 and November 11.

3. Approximately 90 Wampanoag Indians and 52 colonists — the latter mostly women and children — participated.

4. The Wampanoag, led by Chief Massasoit, contributed at least five deer to the feast.

5. Cranberry sauce, pies and potatoes — white or sweet — were not on the menu.

6. The Pilgrims and Wampanoag communicated through Squanto, a member of the Patuxet tribe, who knew English because he had associated with earlier explorers.

7. Besides meals, the event included recreation and entertainment.

8. There are only two surviving descriptions of the first Thanksgiving. One is in a letter by colonist Edward Winslow. He mentions some of the food (fowl — probably turkey, ducks and geese) and activities. The second description was in a book written by William Bradford 20 years afterward. His account was lost for almost 100 years.

9. Abraham Lincoln named Thanksgiving an annual holiday in 1863.

Rabbit was probably also served. Other traditional items served at an English feast would have included cornbread and pudding. Cheese was a tasty treat. Vegetables would have included corn, onions and pumpkin.

They did not eat corn on the cob at the time. The corn was only suitable for dishes and meal. Fish was usually not served at great feasts because it was too "common," but there might have been some lobster or cod. The first Thanksgiving would not have had sweet desserts and there was no popcorn at the time.

The feast probably didn’t include beer. Any beer from England was long gone, the Mayflower was long gone and the grains in New England were not suitable for beer.