9/17/2008 – Editorials

The silly season has been with us for months and it won’t go away until November 4 when the election is held. We’re already inundated with television ads and we’ve got six more weeks of this to endure.

Ads on television and radio which put a candidate in a bad light are called attack ads. These ads are distortions at best and outright lies in many cases. It doesn’t matter which candidate is being attacked, the attack ads should not be taken seriously by anyone. If you believe these false ads, you’re too ignorant to be voting.

And the coming debates are a joke. Anyone who has to rely on these debates to make up his or her mind as to who to vote for has not been paying attention. The differences between McCain and Obama are many.

They have staked out their positions and anyone who does a little homework should know which one will look out for your personal interests and the best interests of the nation. The candidates aren’t going to say anything new at these silly debates.

—000—

The irate customer called the daily newspaper office and loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Ma’am," said the employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday."

There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. "Sooo . . . that’s why no one was in church today."

—000—

I heard on the news that all the Wal-Marts in Tennessee are completely sold out of ammunition. The Tennessee residents just heard that Russia invaded Georgia and they wanted to be ready when the Russians cross the state line.

—000—

Two ladies were talking in Heaven.

First woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

Second woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die?

First woman: I froze to death.

Second woman: How horrible!

First woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

Second woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.

But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

First woman: So, what happened?

Second woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

First woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer — we’d both still be alive.

—000—

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports require reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

—000—

This fellow who had spent his entire life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks on which it runs. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he heard this whistle, but didn’t know what it was. Predictably, he was hit — but only a glancing blow — and was thrown to the side of the tracks with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at his friend’s home for a party one evening. While in the kitchen he hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from a nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal.

His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what’s happening and asks the desert man, "Why’d you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small."