9/19/2007 – Editorials

"When did the Oberon School close?" my wife asked last week.

"It didn’t," I replied.

"Well, I don’t understand this story in the paper about 50 years ago, then," she added. "The story says there are five school districts today and Oberon isn’t listed among the five."

Oops! In a senior moment I somehow left out the Oberon School District when I wrote that story.

"How could you forget my school?!!!" she continued.

I had no excuse and simply had to take the abuse she heaped upon me.

I guess I deserved it. I’m sorry. Truly, I’m sorry.

So to set the record straight, there are six school districts headquartered in Benson County. In alphabetical order, they are Fort Totten, Leeds, Maddock, Minnewaukan, Oberon and Warwick.

—000—

George Carlin’s views on aging:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?"

"I’m four and a half!" You’re never 36 and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key!

You get into your teens and now you can’t be held back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?"

"I’m gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You Become 21. YESSSS!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He turned; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing.

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime and it doesn’t end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I’m 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!

—000—

And now, how to stay young:

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you your entire life is you. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away.

—000—

Three old mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. An old grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man said, "There ain’t no way you can guess it, you old biddies."

One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers. The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up and said, "You’re 91 years old!"

"How in the world did you guess?"

The ornery old grandmas snickered and laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "Because we were at your birthday party yesterday!"

—000—

The President of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the next Summer Olympics. He said, "Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country."