By Richard Peterson
From the e-mails come these interesting, supposedly true stories:
Customer: "I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It’s on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5 of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in
Europe): "If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
Directory Inquiries caller: "I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please."
Operator: "I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off."
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That’s what it says on the label — ‘Woven in Scotland.’ "
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on it."
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click.’ "
Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"
This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for termination without cause. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect customer support employee (Now you know why they record these conversations):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?"
Caller: "What’s a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Caller: "What’s a monitor?"
Operator: "It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?"
Caller: "I don’t know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall."
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can’t reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is?"
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Caller: "Well, it’ s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark."
Caller: "Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can’t."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there’s a power failure."
Operator: "A power . . . A power failure? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Operator: "Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!"