8/15/2007 – Editorials

From the e-mails come these interesting, supposedly true stories:

Customer: "I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through; can you help?"

Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"

Customer: "It’s on the door of your business."

Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."

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Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about."

Caller: "On page 1, section 5 of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."

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Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in

Europe): "If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

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Directory Inquiries caller: "I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please."

Operator: "I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off."

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That’s what it says on the label — ‘Woven in Scotland.’ "

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on it."

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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "OK."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click.’ "

Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"

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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"

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This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for termination without cause. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect customer support employee (Now you know why they record these conversations):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator: "What sort of trouble?"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator: "Nothing?"

Caller: "It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type."

Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator: "Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?"

Caller: "What’s a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Caller: "What’s a monitor?"

Operator: "It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?"

Caller: "I don’t know."

Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall."

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can’t reach."

Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is?"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Caller: "Well, it’ s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark."

Operator: "Dark?"

Caller: "Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can’t."

Operator: "No? Why not?"

Caller: "Because there’s a power failure."

Operator: "A power . . . A power failure? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Operator: "Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!"