By Richard Peterson
An e-mail alerted me that there’s a conspiracy afoot right here in our own country. We must stop this immediately!
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier? And, everything is farther away?
Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am.
I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection . . .
well, REALLY NOW — even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing. Everyone drives so fast these days! You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually ‘believe’ the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they’re fooling?
I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too. They’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. Please pass this on to everyone you know as soon as possible. Maybe we can get this conspiracy stopped.
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer’s fonts — they’re smaller than they once were.
Here’s another e-mail item:
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked, "is there a 710 on this car?"
Two weeks ago the level of the Devils Lake was 1447.34. Then the rains came. Sunday the level of the lake was 1447.78, an increase of 44/100 of a foot or an increase of 5.6 inches. At Minnewaukan we got
6 inches of rain in May, about double the "normal" precipitation. All the while there’s a certain amount of evaporation taking place which could account for less than six inches of rise in the lake.
But there may have been less than six inches across the entire lake, which might account for the difference, as well.
However, run-off from the land in the Devils Lake Basin will keep water flowing into Devils Lake for some time to come and evaporation won’t be able to keep up with it. As a result the lake will probably continue rising in the next week.
If we get significant moisture, the lake could rise significantly, perhaps even rising higher than last year’s modern day high of 1449.2. It all depends on how much rain we get.