3/28/2007 – Editorials



 

More stuff from the e-mails:

Dear Abby,

I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs . . . phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don’t know them." I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls." It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

—000—

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had 25 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first graders, six-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don’t change horses . . . until they stop running.

2. Strike while the . . . bug is close.

3. It’s always darkest before . . . Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?

6. Don’t bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.

7. No news is . . . impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.

9. You can’t teach an old dog new . . . math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll . . . stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust . . . me.

12. The pen is mightier than the . . . pigs.

13. An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.

14. Where there’s smoke there’s . . . pollution.

15. Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is . . . not much.

17. Two’s company, three’s . . . the Musketeers.

18. Don’t put off until tomorrow what . . . you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and . . . you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as . . . Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don’t succeed . . . get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you . . . see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one:

25. Better late than . . . pregnant.

—000—

A blind man walks into the bar with his seeing eye dog and grabs his dog and picks him up by the tail and starts swinging this poor dog in circles. After about 30 seconds of that he sits down at the bar. The bartender then asked him what was that all about?

He replied to the bartender "I was just taking a look around."

—000—

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted crazy he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My coworker asked me what I was doing.

I told her I was pretending to be a light bulb so the boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off.

Minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my coworker followed me, the boss said to her, "And where do you think you’re going?"

She said, "I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark!"

—000—

People in Minnewaukan were treated to one of nature’s great spectacles last week when migrating geese flew over the town on their way north. They started Thursday and continued through Sunday with a few more on Monday. Formations of geese in flocks of 200 to 300 birds came over in wave after wave after wave during daylight hours those days.

It’s hard to tell how many birds were involved, but certainly hundreds of thousands passed over the town. Probably there were more than a million, maybe millions.

It was a sight to see.


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