1/31/2007 – Editorials

I spent a few hours at the ND State Legislature last week.
I’ve been there quite a few times and I’m not quite as awe-struck as my first visit in 1965. In that visit I sat on the floor with Rep.
Archie Borstad of Fort Totten and Rep. Buckshot Hoffner of Esmond.
Back in those days I had more time on my hands and I stayed overnight, sitting with Sen. Bronald Thompson of Oberon on the senate floor the next day.
This trip I only had a few hours, most of which were spent at the Heritage Center doing a little research on genealogy and buying a couple items not available in Minne-waukan.
Fifteen-year-old grandson Ethan wanted a DVD for his birthday. Not just any DVD, but "Leatherface — Texas Chainsaw Massacre III."
I put my foot down hard. "No way am I going to buy such a stupid DVD," I ranted.
Ethan brought in reinforcements in the form of his dad, who said I shouldn’t worry about it. "He’s watched the first two and it hasn’t hurt him."
I was still adamant. "No way," I said. "It’s not suitable for someone of my age, let alone a 15-year-old," I thundered.
Then Ethan played the Grandma card. He told Grandma I was balking at buying his present.
I explained to Grandma that the DVD wasn’t suitable for someone of Ethan’s age and that it would definitely warp his personality, etc., etc.
"Shut up and buy it!" Grandma ordered.
Her response blasted my reasoned objections into smithereens. I learned long ago not to argue with Grandma’s infallible logic.
So I spent precious time looking for this DVD. When I found it I was pretty pleased. Never before have I been so happy to find something so vile.
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I spent about an hour at the Heritage Center looking up some family history. I remember when construction of the Heritage Center was a big controversy and the conservatives were totally against it. As usual, the conservatives were wrong. Today, even most conservatives think it was money well spent.
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Back at the legislature, I ran into Oberon native Rep. Dennis Johnson, who now lives in Devils Lake and represents Ramsey County.
He invited me to sit on the floor of the house with him.
Oh, golly! If I sit with Johnson, what will Rep. Ben Vig say? Then Rep. Don Vigesaa came over and made the same offer.
I realized I was in trouble. If I sit with Vigesaa, what will Rep.
Arlo Schmid say? What will Rep. Jon Nelson say? What will Oberon native Rep. Lois Delmore say?
I had to diplomatically beg off sitting with any of our elected representatives because I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers.
Likewise in the senate. If I sit with Sen. Joan Heckaman, what will Sen. Ryan Taylor say? What will my old friend Sen. John Andrist say?
It wouldn’t do to divide my time and sit with each for a few minutes because I just didn’t have the time this trip. So I wasn’t able to sit with anyone.
It’s Hell to be so popular.
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I was surprised to see so many pheasants between here and Bismarck.
The area between Tuttle and Wing had the most birds. I saw a couple dozen or so on that stretch of road. I’ve driven that road many times and never noticed pheasants there before.
A rooster and three hens made their presence known about a mile west of Fessenden.
I’ve noticed a rooster hanging around on new US 281 northwest of Minnewaukan. They’re apparently making a comeback.
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Murphy’s Lesser Known Laws
1) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2) He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4) Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
5) Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6) The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90 percent probability you’ll get it wrong.
7) If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8) If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9) The things that come to those who wait will be the things left over by those who got there first.
10) Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
11) The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
12) A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
13) When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.