11/18/2006 – Editorials



By Richard Peterson

According to the Star Tribune of Minneapolis-St. Paul, the October

2006 American Prospect Magazine reports that from 1997 to 2002, Republican committee chairmen issued more than 1,000 subpoenas to the Clinton Administration and the Republican House of Representatives took 140 hours of testimony on whether Bill Clinton had abused his Christmas card list for fund-raising purposes.

By contrast, the Republican House of Representatives spent a total of

12 hours on Abu Ghraib, with one subpoena issued.

—000—

The following signs have been found in various locations all over the world, using the English language somewhat creatively:

In a cocktail lounge in Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. (Besides the mess, it would be inconvenient for the other patrons.) At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY. (Poor thing, he can hardly make it on his meager salary.) In a doctor’s office in Rome, Italy: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. (They can be so contagious.) In a hotel in Acapulco, Mexico: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE. (He takes such pride in doing it.) In a booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND

HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. (Yeah People! Get a grip.) Car rental brochure, Tokyo, Japan: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR. (I myself, love to tootle.) In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. (He’s no Miss Congeniality either.) On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION. (I dare you to do it.) On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. (You think?) On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. (How could you ever miss this opportunity?) In a restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO. (Pretty much 24/9.) In a building: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE. (We’ll prevent it at all costs.) A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS. (Kind of defeating the purpose, just kind of.) In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. (We only give birth to senior citizens.) In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. (Anytime? Or just for the graveyard shift?) Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. (Where else can you do your disgusting behaviours?) On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. (And that’s that!) In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN. (Ahhh! No fun at all.) Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM. (Is that sign for the hookers?) Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE. (The silence is deafening.) Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY.

DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE. (At least more than usual.) Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

(Check in, check out.)

Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. (She sounds so enthusiastic.) Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

(It depends; is she cute?)

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox

monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. (Gotta take a break sometime.)


Leave a Comment