11/1/2006 – Editorials



By Richard Peterson

 

Writing in the McLean County Independent at Garrison, Don Gackle reports he saw the following sign in the Golden Leaf Hotel in Stuttgart, Germany: "Dear Guests: On the basis of majority of non-smoking guests, is smoking at breakfast time in whole restaurant area forbidden. We please for understanding."

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The Old Farmer’s Almanac claims this winter will be much colder and snowier than normal and summer will be cooler than normal. The hottest periods (surprise!) will be in late June, late July and mid-August.

The 2007 Farmers’ Almanac, released August 28, 2006, predicts as much as 20 degrees below seasonal norms (and nearly 40 degrees colder than last winter), for Montana, the Dakotas and parts of Wyoming. Unlike the Old Farmer’s Almanac, the Farmers’ Almanac is calling for a very warm and dry summer for most areas of the country.

The US Climate Prediction Center, an agency of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, predicts warmer than average temperatures in the northern US this winter.

You can believe any or all of the above, but you’ll probably be wrong. There are far too many variables to make an accurate weather forecast beyond five days. Trying to predict the weather three months from now is futile. It simply can’t be done with any degree of accuracy.

I remember reading a feature story in the Pierce County Tribune many years ago about a man in the Balta area who predicted the weather by cutting into onions which had been placed on the window sill. That method of long-range weather prediction is as accurate as any other method.

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I received this e-mail entitled Idle Thoughts of a Senior Citizen:

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

If the world was a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

One nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

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From an e-mail:

1. If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. It isn’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. (Just remember how lucky you were to get a free trip around the sun.) 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. If you must choose between two evils, chose the one that you’ve never tried before.


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