10/19/2005 – Editorials



By Richard Peterson

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of an Appleton, Wisc. courtroom drama recently when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Green Bay Packers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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Ole was driving down the Brinsmade street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Ole looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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I’m writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Since I am now in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn’t come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through a change in life is bad enough without being a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Two Russian and Czech scientists had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears. Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone.
They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and was too dangerous to go out for their study. They pleaded that this was their only chance, so finally the ranger relented. They were given cell phones and told to report in every day.
For several days they called in, and then one day nothing was heard from them, so the rangers sent out a search party. They found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing scientists. Following the trails of a male and female bear, they finally caught up with the female.
Fearing an international incident, they decided to kill the bear to find out if she had eaten the scientists.
They killed the female and opened the stomach only to find the remains of the Russian. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what that means, don’t you?"
The other ranger responded, "I guess it means the Czech’s in the male."


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