8/24/2005 – Editorials

By Richard Peterson

Keller’s Kolumn last week told about Roger Maris holding the national high school record for the most touchdowns scored on kickoff returns in a single game. He returned four kickoffs for touchdowns in a game against Devils Lake during his senior year at Shanley High School in Fargo.
George Ziegler of Devils Lake, who taught high school in Minnewaukan in the late 1950’s, noted that Maris’s record is for the most "non-scrimmage yards in a game." Ziegler was the kicker, passer and punter for Devils Lake in that game. "So I have the other end of the record," says Ziegler.
Also mentioned in a news story describing the game were Devils Lake players Bud Swenson, Odin Dahl and Keith Hall.
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Writing in The Teller at Milnor, Bill Anderson relates the saga of a 1930 Model A Ford 4-door sedan. It was bought new by John Osterberg of Rutland.
Mal Bentson of Rutland later purchased the car and about 1940 sold it to John Hoistad. Milton McLaen acquired the car more than 40 years ago in exchange for farm work he had done for Hoistad. McLaen restored the car and it was sold at auction Aug. 6 to Rick Hoistad, a grandson of former owner John Hoistad.
The 75-year-old classic brought $12,500, approximately 20 times the price John Osterberg paid Henry Ford for the car.
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The North Dakota Insurance Reserve Fund reports it has paid quite a tidy sum for its members’ vehicles as a result of encounters with animals from
1991 to 2005.
The fund insures political subdivisions, including counties, cities, school boards, etc.
Deer, of course, were far and away the most guilty culprits, with 393 of them causing damage of $630,465.
Other damages to vehicles were caused by:
9 cattle $26,364
2 buffalo 21,569
53 pheasants 13,729
36 birds 12,109
3 moose 10,789
10 rabbits 5,676
5 raccoons 4,822
4 dogs 3,600
1 antelope 1,129
4 partridges 820
1 turkey 398
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A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, Son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, Son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!"
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Four retired guys are walking down a street in Mesa, Ariz. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar . . . ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!" They look at each other, then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, Gentlemen?"
There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis — shaken, not stirred, and says, "That’ll be 10 cents each, please."
The four men stare at the bartender for a moment, then look at each other.
They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That’s 40 more cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.
They have each had two martinis, and so far they’ve spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
"Here’s my story," the bartender said. "I’m a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."
"Wow. That’s quite a story," says one of the men.
The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn’t help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn’t have a drink in front of them, and hadn’t ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What’s with them?"
The bartender says, "Oh, they’re from North Dakota. They’re waiting for happy hour at 5 o’clock when drinks are half price."