4/27/2005 – Editorials

By Richard Peterson

This simple four question test appeared in Don Gackle’s column in The Independent at Garrison:
#1 — How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to respond to simple things in an overly complicated way.
#2 — How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door?" Wrong answer! Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
#3 — The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
The elephant. The elephant is still in the refrigerator. You put him in there. This tests your memory.
How are you doing? One last question to redeem yourself and show your true abilities.
#4 — There is a river you must cross, but it is used by crocodiles and you do NOT have a boat. How do you manage it?
You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been paying attention? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference sponsored by the Lion King.
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Rolf Berg of Maddock brought in a newspaper ad from 100 years ago bragging about North Dakota in 1905.
According to the ad, there were about 9.5 million total acres under cultivation in the state. In 2005 farmers are expected to plant almost that many acres to wheat alone.
The 2000 census listed North Dakota’s population at 642,000. In 1905 the ad boasted North Dakota’s population was 500,000.
The ad said there were 305 newspapers in 1905. Today there are 87 newspapers in the state.
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Speaking of times gone by, these examples came by way of the Internet (some of the examples are still true today):
Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this. Those who didn’t will be in disbelief.
1) You can name everyone in your graduating class.
2) You know what 4-H means.
3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted (see #6).
4) You used to "drag" Main Street.
5) You said the "F" word and your parents knew within the hour.
6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t.
7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they’d tell your parents anyhow).
8) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
12) You didn’t give directions by street names but rather by references.
Turn by Nelson’s house, go two blocks to Anderson’s, and it’s four houses left of the track field.
13) The golf course had only 9 holes.
14) You couldn’t help but date a friend’s ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
16) The town next to you was considered "trashy" or "snooty," but was actually just like your town.
17) You referred to anyone with a house newer than 1965 as the "rich people."
18) The people in the "big city" dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the town bar.
20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference (if you HAD a stop light).
23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, five people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings’ names.
25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
27) The closest McDonald’s was 45 miles away (or more).
28) The closest mall was over an hour away.
29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
30) Most people went by a nickname.