We haven't had
any snow yet that's moved in to stay for the winter.
We've had some minor dustings, but that snow has
disappeared. Maybe by the time this reaches you we'll finally have
snow blanketing the ground. Here's an item which appeared in the
Blaine County Journal at Chinook, Mont. that deals with snow:
Diary Of A Snow Shoveler
December 8: It started to snow at 6 p.m. The first
snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for
hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from
heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. It was so romantic we
felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of
crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole
world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the
first time in years and felt like a boy again. Did both our driveway
and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and
covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely
snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry,
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would
be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! Eight inches last
night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by
shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow
came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and
December 15: Twenty inches are forecast. Sold my
van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car
and two extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove
in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in
Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my
butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. It hurt like
hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are
too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the
wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood
stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I
can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: The electricity's back on, but we had
another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day;
freakin' snowplow came by twice. I tried to find a neighbor kid to
shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think
they're lying. I called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in
March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city
will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas
because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so
cold it probably won't melt until August. It took me 45 minutes to
get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the
time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to
shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest
of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.
December 23: Only two inches of snow today. And it
warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the
house this morning.
What is she . . . nuts??? Why didn't she tell me
to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's darn well
December 24: Six more inches. The snow is packed
so hard by the snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a
heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-gun who drives that
snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his cojones. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow
all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing
Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy
watching for the freakin' snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. Twenty more inches
of the @#$%A8c slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes
my blood boil. How I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I
have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move
here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to below zero and
the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed
in. My wife is driving me crazy!
December 29: Ten more inches. Bob says I have to
shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I
ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: The roof caved in. The snowplow
driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head.
The wife went home to her mother. Nine inches of snow is predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling!
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those
little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?