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EDITORIALS
By Richard Peterson
Reality is finally sinking in as far as the
Fighting Sioux nickname is concerned. More and more editorial
writers and writers of letters to the editor are saying it's time
for the nickname to go.
I came to this conclusion a couple years ago and said so in this
column. I said the nickname controversy is something like a scab
that will be picked open again and again and again. By growing up
and getting rid of the nickname we would save a lot of time, effort
and money. The legal fees for nickname supporters are already
something like $900,000 and total legal fees for both sides have
exceeded $5 million!
In the editorial on this page, Steve Andrist hits the nail on the
head when he says . . . I have come, regrettably, to believe the
time has come to make the change. Not that it's the politically
correct or enlightened or even necessarily the right thing to do,
but because it is inevitable.
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For a chuckle, read through these answers from a children's science
exam:
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
tends to flow toward the moon, because there is no water on the
moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in
this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?(e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does varicose mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term Caesarean Section.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word benign mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
---000---
Here are some examples of political correctness which are making the
rounds of weekly newspapers:
* When the patient died, the attending doctor recorded the following
on the patients chart: Patient failed to fulfill his wellness
potential.
* A letter from an Air Force colonel in charge of safety said that
rocket boosters weighing more than 300,000 pounds have an explosive
force upon surface impact that is sufficient to exceed the accepted
overpressure threshhold of physiological damage for exposed
personnel. In other words, if a 300,000-pound booster rocket falls
on people, they'll die.
* The Army calls them vertically deployed anti-personnel devices.
You probably call them bombs.
* According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December
22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara ran a family farm.
Their farm had 25,000 employees and grossed $1.7 billion a year. But
as a family farm they got tax breaks that saved them $135 million a
year.
* A spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of Public Works,
calls them ground-mounted confirmatory route markers. You probably
call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government
agency.
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Pearls of Wisdom:
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up
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