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EDITORIALS
By Richard Peterson
The Christmas season is also the lutefisk season and Jon Flatland, a
proud Norwegian-American who writes in the Steele County Press at
Finley, has some thoughts on that wonderful Scandinavian delicacy:
Hear that gagging sound? It's Norwegian-Americans attempting to
connect with their heritage.
It happens every year at this time. Thousands of people choke down
an infamous concoction called lutefisk. What people in America don't
know is that most Norwegians came to their senses decades ago and
quit eating the stuff.
To make lutefisk, catch yourself a cod. Take out the bones, skin it,
salt it, and hang it out to dry for several weeks until it hardens
and smells like a dumpster. Then, bring it inside and soak it in lye
for several days.
Yes, lye -- a substance defined by dictionary.com as "a strong
caustic alkaline solution of potassium salts, obtained by leaching
wood ashes. It is 'much used in making soap, etc."
Et cetera indeed.
When you use it to make fish, you get a gelatinous blob that
slithers down your throat and makes you wish you had cooked a turkey
for Christmas dinner like a normal American.
Norwegians didn't invent lutefisk because they thought it was tasty.
A long time ago, in the pre-refrigeration days, salting and drying
fish was an efficient way to preserve it. They soaked it in lye
afterward to pull the salt out and -- believe it or not -- make it
more palatable.
A century ago, lutefisk really was a staple in the Norwegian diet.
Ironically, also a century ago, a lot of Norwegians fled the
country.
To lutefisk-eating readers who are trying to keep in touch with your
roots, here are some factoids to bring you to your senses:
* Today, more lutefisk is consumed in Wisconsin than in Norway.
* Norwegians buy more frozen pizzas per capita than any other
nationality.
They consume 13,000 tons of frozen pizza annually -- an average of
more than five and a half pounds of cheesy goodness for every man,
woman, and screaming toddler.
Yes, frozen pizza is a Norwegian staple food today. Why not get in
touch with the 21st Century and start a new holiday tradition?
I'm a proud Norwegian-American, as was my father -- which explains
why every year at Christmas my mother bakes about 79 pounds of
traditional Norwegian cookies and other edibles.
She never made me eat lutefisk. This is because she loves me. I
guess I could give lutefisk a fair shot . . . after all, there are
worse culinary traditions in the world.
In Athens, Greece a delicacy is sheep's brain. In Iceland,
specialties include sheep's testicles and shark that is buried in
the ground for several weeks until it's rotten. No lye is required.
They just dig it up and wash it down with their local firewater,
called Black Death.
Scotland has haggis, made from a sheep's stomach lining. In America,
we have egg salad sandwiches from vending machines that are kept
warm by 40-watt light bulbs for an average of seven months before
anyone eats them.
(They taste fine as long as you swallow them whole without removing
the plastic wrap.) So Norway is not the only nation with frightening
cuisine. Nevertheless, it saddens me that lutefisk has become
representative of my heritage when most Norwegians can't stand it.
Last week I read a newspaper article that reported the city of
Seattle, Wash. is in mourning this holiday season because for the
first time in decades, not a single Seattle restaurant will offer
lutefisk.
The article quoted Kathleen Knudsen, editor of a Seattle food
magazine, as saying, "The Norwegian community is in a state of
shock."
Speak for yourself Kathleen. The holidays are stressful in many
ways, and every year at this time, I see interviews with
psychologists warning that not all holiday traditions are good for
you.
"Move on, and make your own traditions," they say.
So, for Norwegian-Americans suffering from lutefisk withdrawal, fret
not.
It's time to move into the modern age like the real Norwegians have.
I have just returned from the grocery store. I am happy to report
there are plenty of pizzas to go around.
(Everything in this column is true except the parts that are
imagined, exaggerated, or just plain lies. Contact Jon Flatland by
sending an e-mail to him at jflatland@ya hoo.com)
---000---
Remember the item in this column about selling puppies to a buyer in
Nigeria a couple weeks ago? It turns out the sale was a scam. The
buyer sends a cashier's check for much more than the cost of the
item for sale and the seller is supposed to take out the cost of the
item and return the excess to the buyer. That would be fine, except
that the cashier's check is bogus.
The seller of the puppies suspected that the process was a scam so
he didn't go through with the sale. Let the buyer and the seller
beware!
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