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EDITORIALS
By Richard Peterson A
seven-year-old boy was at the center of an Appleton, Wisc. courtroom
drama recently when he challenged a court ruling over who should
have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his
parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in
keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family
unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat
him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents,
the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning
that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the
judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who
should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Green
Bay Packers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating
anyone.
---000---
Ole was driving down the Brinsmade street in a sweat because he had
an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you
find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for the
rest of my life and give up drinking."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Ole looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
---000---
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about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how
clumsy I was. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a
lot of blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using
a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick
trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with
bleach and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came
out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by
yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and
then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be
considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a
relief! Going through a change in life is bad enough without being a
murder suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
---000---
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
---000---
Two Russian and Czech scientists had spent their lives studying the
grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments
to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears. Finally their
request was granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone.
They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the
grizzly mating season and was too dangerous to go out for their
study. They pleaded that this was their only chance, so finally the
ranger relented. They were given cell phones and told to report in
every day.
For several days they called in, and then one day nothing was heard
from them, so the rangers sent out a search party. They found the
camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing scientists.
Following the trails of a male and female bear, they finally caught
up with the female.
Fearing an international incident, they decided to kill the bear to
find out if she had eaten the scientists.
They killed the female and opened the stomach only to find the
remains of the Russian. One ranger turned to the other and said,
"You know what that means, don't you?"
The other ranger responded, "I guess it means the Czech's in the
male."
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